A Moment of Quiet Reflection

Just sitting here at the computer, paying a few bills before even more days get away from me and it's the first of a new year. The boys are getting their hair cut and the little one is sleeping, so it's quiet here. I'm thinking of how blessed I am this year. It's amazing really, how many Christmases we had prior to Bubba coming into our lives...where we were with family, but so alone in our hearts. No sweet little stocking hung up, no "gotta have it" Christmas gift for our child. (This year it was a DS) God has blessed me with these two beautiful children. And two more that I will hold at some other time.



This year will be really fun because Bubba is still all into the magic of Christmas and Santa and Sweet Pea is big enough to really be into it. So much so that the gifts are all on the spare room bed so she doesn't unwrap them all in warp speed. We do Santa. He knows that Christmas is about Christ, not presents. But Santa is fun and I don't see anything wrong with it personally. I am not screwed up in the head because my parents lied to me about a fat guy bringing gifts. I'm fairly well adjusted.

I know I haven't been blogging much, I really don't feel that anyone cares about most of the stuff rambling in my head. But I just felt like saying that as I sit here paying my bills, a small part of my mind is reflecting on why we celebrate Christmas. We had our Christmas program at church this past weekend and 47 people were saved. The same little Christmas story that pretty much everyone knows, even if they don't believe it. Why, this time, did those 47 people "get" it? I don't know, but God had them there those 2 nights because HE knew they were ready to really HEAR the story and realize what is so important about this holiday. I like what our preacher said. Some people think it's just all a lie. But what other lie has sustained for 2000+ years? Watergate was figured out in a few days. And it's funny that so many who try to disprove Christ as the Messiah end up being saved (Have you read "The Case for Christ" by Lee Strobel?)

It's just about overwhelming to wrap your head around it. That's where faith comes in. I believe it because He said it. It's all written down. That's all I need to know.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

September

September

It used to be my favorite month...sort of cooler weather (though today it will be 95 degrees), leaves begin to change some by the end of the month, I don't know...I have just always like it. I also love the birthstone, Sapphire.

Now I have two of those beautiful sapphires in a mother's ring.

Of two precious children who aren't here.

I don't like September quite the same anymore.

The whole month of September does this to me: anytime I say, write, hear, or think "September" my mind immediately adds "the 24th". That is W & K's birthday. The whole month is just a work up to that day. After that day, I breath again. They would have been (will be? in Heaven) 9 years old. Wow.

I don't know when or if this will get easier than it is now. It's certainly better than it was at first when I was a wreck most of the time, certainly this time of year. Some years it has snuck up on me, suddenly it's Sept 12 or something. But mostly, I'm keenly aware of the approaching day.

I've moved on to October. It's really cooler, leaves are changing MORE, it's Colby's birthday, and this year we'll celebrate our 13th anniversary on Oct 4.

Yep, October is definitely better.

New puppy - Take Two

Our first attempt at getting a new pup for Bubba failed miserably. Dixie, aka "psycho puppy" was WAY more dog than any of us bargained for. She was too big, too goofy, and (I hate to say it) but she was really dumb. Not trainable kind of dumb. Vacant eyes kind of dumb. So, she went to live with some really odd people and I'm sure they are just happy as can be, and probably talk to their odd friends about how mistreated she was because we kept her OUTSIDE.

**they wouldn't take her blanket that she'd had for 6 months because it had dirt on it. It was outside. It was hers. You have a washing machine! **

So, anywho...shortly after parting ways with Dixie, my cousin offered us his beagle puppy. She needed a bit more attention than he & his wife, who both work, could give her. So, we discussed it and said "sure, we'll take her for a few days and try her out". Then he changed his mind. No biggie. So we put the pup search on the backburner for the rest of the summer and decided to wait til the school year got us back into a routine. We were thinking Yorkie. Little, energetic, yep, that'll work. Then I get a message from above cousin. They decided again to try to give us the beagle. So, we got her on Friday, she's great, housebroken already (bonus), free (Bonus), all accessories included (bonus). Bubba loves her. Sweet Pea is getting there. Bailey (our old-man dog) hates her, but whatever, he hates all animals.

So, here we go again, hopefully with success. And visitation rights for my cousin.

Only one problem - her name is Aubie for the Auburn University Tigers. Um, we don't like Auburn. We are Tennessee folk. Gotta work something out there.

I Think I Can

As I said in my last post, I rejoined the YMCA. I know my husband was not thrilled about this, since I've joined before and never gone. So, this time I was going! (that purchase of size 14 pants had sent me over the edge). I have been going, about twice a week and doing aerobics classes. There is one on Monday/Friday that I really like, circuit -style. We alternate cardio & hand weights so you never feel like you are going to pass out...you get little breaks. One uses the step and the other doesn't. I also got on a tortune machine, a.k.a. stair-step/elliptical, yesterday for 30 minutes and I survived! :) I am actually looking forward to going, which has never happened! A friend on facebook told me when I looked forward to it, I should sit down and eat doughnuts til the urge passed! Cracked me up! I am hoping this is just the beginning of a healhier me. Now to work on the food...ugh. Does working out mean I can eat more ? Ha!

Off to make my tuna fish sandwich on new NutriGrain sandwich thins (they are good!)

Special Thursdays

I put Sweet Pea in Mother's Day Out this summer. She was actually a few months older than Bubba when he started. And the reason I did it in the summer instead of waiting til fall is because I thought Bubba needed some one-on-one time. So, we've been having "Big Boy Thursdays". It's strange, for 4 1/2 years, it was just me & him. And especially at our last duty station in Oklahoma, when Colby was gone almost all the time, it was really just us, always. So, now that he's bigger, he mostly wants to do stuff with his daddy, like going to Bass Pro and Lowe's, wrestling, etc. He's always been a daddy's boy but now that he's big enough to do more, he really is. I don't mind, really. It probably helps that Sweet Pea is a momma's girl!

So, I was sort of bummed because out of the first month of summer vacation, we only got one Thursday. We started off the summer with Lamb Camp (yep, we live in the sticks), VBS, followed by 2 weeks at Nana's. So, last week was our first time. He wanted to go see "Dolphins & Whales" at the IMAX and afterwards we hit McD's and the Baskin Robbins (HEY - it's his day, not mine!!). Then today we went to Incredible Pizza, which for those who don't know, is Chuck E. Cheese on steriods. Or maybe crack. It was fun. We played games and collected tickets and rode go-carts. He took his first spin on the bumper cars, solo - twice. I enjoyed watching him laugh without having to check on/hold/chase after Sweet Pea. I also took him for a haircut for our impending sibling pics and made a pit stop at the Christian bookstore for religious silly bands.

He's a fun kid. As I watched him drive the bumper cars, it hit me how big he's getting, and how fast he's getting there.

PE Tubes...Part 3

For the 3rd time, I've taken my child to the hospital for PE Tubes.

Bubba has had 2 sets, one at 15 months and one at just before 5 years old. Both are out and he has been ear infection free for over a year. Whew.

Now it's Sweet Pea's turn. I was really hoping I was avoiding it this time. She had one ear infection at 11 months and then got one again right before Memorial Day.

And she STILL has it. After 4 round of antibiotics plus a shot, today she got tubes. She was not happy at the hospital, as if she knew something was not right. She freaked when I tried to put the cute puppy dog gown on (and she loves dogs!!!). She freaked about the ID bracelet...finally they took her, crying and reaching for me. One of those moments that pierces your heart. In about 10 minutes, the MD came out and said she did great. YAY! When we went back to recovery, she was just waking up. A nurse was holding her and she looked totally out of it. My heart sank a bit. My sweet girl, totally drugged up. Immediately she woke up and got hysterical. Nothing I did helped. She was just beside herself. We finally were allowed to leave and once we were outside, she was ok. By the time we got home, she was fine. I think she's already feeling better.

Now for those blasted ear plugs.

This is the last time, I promise!

We've been members of our local YMCA 2 times over the last 5 years. I've used the Y approximately 5 times. Yep, I'm the girl with the big plans, joins the Y and goes the first time right after and then...well..I HATE to exercise. I do not get the endorphins I hear people claiming about after they've worked out "I feel GREAT!". I feel like eating a cookie & taking a nap after I work out.

Yet I sit on the couch and eat whatever I can find and gripe about being fat. Which I'm really not, I'm just "soft" HAHA. But, truthfully (and here it goes) 160 on a 5-foot-barely-3 inches frame is not pretty. Not that I want or even think I'd ever be thin, but 140 isn't too much to ask for. And a much smaller muffin top would be lovely.

So, I am going to do it this time. I rejoined the Y today (NO JOIN FEE!) Colby is annoyed (rightly so) at the amount of his hard earned money that I waste on memberships. But lately I think I've hit the sort of wall I hit after Bubba was born that I just couldn't go any further. Size 14 is my limit. I WILL NOT buy a 16. My personal stopping point. And after buying 3 pair of size 14 capris this summer, I'm done. I will not be able to wear them next summer (which is a shame, because they are really cute). After he was about a year old, I was at this same point, about 160 and unhappy. I did LA Weight Loss and Jazzercise and got down to 140. I was good then. I want to be back there.

As an update to Sweet Pea's ears...as of this past Wednesday, the infection was clearing, still some redness & fluid but definite improvement. We go to the ENT on Wednesday this week to see if she needs tubes. My opinion is that if the infection is clear, let's wait and see. If she has another one soon, fine, we'll do tubes. Maybe she'll not have more. She's only had 2 her whole life, this one was just a doozy.

Sometimes Life Hurts

Sweet Pea fell yesterday while taking a walk with a very sweet 12 yr old who was helping us with a yard sale. This is far from the first time she's had a banged up knee, but she was a trooper and let me clean it off and use some "Neo To Go" spray on it. Then last night we put a bandaid on it w/some real polysporin and she was good. Then this morning her bandaid came off, so Colby fixed her another one (it was a pretty big scrap and is a bit red) and put it on. SHE FREAKED. She cried and cried and held her little knee. We couldn't figure out what the problem was. We knew it wasn't burning or anything. Did she want the bandaid off? She nodded yes, so I took it off...then she just kept picking it up and sort of putting it over the boo-boo and crying.

What I learned - my baby girl realized that something on her hurt and she just couldn't figure it out. Did the bandaid help? No. But she understood we were tryign to help with it. Her knee just hurt and she didn't understand why.

Sometimes we hurt.

here we go again...

Sweet Pea has had an ear infection for...um...weeks. And weeks. We've done 9 days of antibiotic A, 8 days of antibiotic B, a shot of antibiotic C, and now we are in the midst of 10 days of antibiotic D. If this doesn't work, it's PE Tubes for her. I already have an appointment with our ENT that put Bubba's tubes in. He's great, so that's helpful at least knowing we have someone good to see. I'll take her in next week to have them checked again after this last round of super antibiotics. This is only her 2nd ear infection and I'm totally bummed that it may lead to tubes. Bubba had 8 ear infections between the ages of 6 & 14 months. She's only had one before this!!

I know that tubes are no biggie, I just was hoping for a good-ear kid after all Bubba has been through with his.

My Baby Girl

Sweet Pea had her first day at "Mother's Day Out" aka school today. I didn't cry when I dropped her off, and neither did she. But last night as I lay in bed thinking about what needed to be done this morning to get her there and get Bubba to lamb camp (yep, taking care of a lamb all week - we DO live in the sticks), I thought "my baby can't be big enough to go to school - even church school!!!" How did that happen?? She was just born. It's such a whirlwind. Sometimes I feel like Bubba has been around forever, but she feels like she's just been born. How is she 18 months already? I just want to press "pause". So even when I was up rocking her last Thursday night at midnight because of an ear infection, I tried to treasure it because it will be gone before I know it. She & I have a different sort of bond than I have with Bubba...he's more a daddy's boy & she's a momma's girl. Someone (who has both a boy & girl) told me it's different not only with a girl, but with that girl being younger. I think they were right. That's a double emotional whammy. I have the BIG brother & the BABY sister thing going on. Sending Bubba to Kindergarten was sweet but I didn't get torn up about it, but I think I'll be the blubbering idiot mom when it's her turn. I mean, with him, I had her at home to occupy my mommyness. When she's in school - I'll be a part-time mom. That will be hard.

That Kind of Person

I hate being "that kind of person". But, this weekend we are. We bought Bubba an English Springer Spaniel back before the holidays because he loves dogs and Bailey - the 12 yr old chihuahua - is just not a kid kinda dog. He's a grumpy old man. So, we thought (and still think) that Bubba needs a dog. However, we got a bit more dog than we bargained for. She was way to hyper for in the house, drove me & Sweet Pea crazy, whined & barked if we put her in her crate to have a moments peace, nearly made Bailey lose his mind. So, after spring break, we put her outside, thinking she'd be happier. Wrong. I couldn't even open the blinds without her barking like crazy wanting out of her fancy (and big) pen. If we were outside, we had to let her out or she'd bark herself hoarse. She just wanted love and attention, but she needed more than we had to give. So, we made the decision to try to sell her. She wasn't a cheap dog, so we put an ad in the paper listing her for 1/2 of what we bought her for. The second day we got a call from a couple that has another dog just like her, just a few months older, who needed a "friend". These are true doggy parents...their dogs are their kids (much like bailey!). They came to see her, loved her, and took her home. The lady called me this afternoon to tell me that she is doing great and loves her new buddy. I feel good about how it's turned out, we obviously weren't the family meant for Dixie. She's going to have it good now, doting parents and a best friend. Bubba cried for a few minutes after she left yesterday, but hasn't mentioned her since. We told him that she was happy at her new home, and then had to explain that it wasn't that she wasn't happy here, but she's happIER there. I didn't like being the type of person to get a dog, then get rid of it because it was too much trouble, but I've got enough to do. We had to make a decision to benefit us AND Dixie. I think we're all better off. She is a sweetie, but man, she was exhausting! And she probably thinks her name is "SHUT UP!"

We are now researching the best (smaller) dog for us. One that is less hyper, more managable - size-wise, and good for little kids. Any ideas?

Quiet is Never Good

First, it annoys me how you can never get EVERY drop of something out of a bottle. This morning I did a load of laundry and realized the bottle was just about empty so I poured out the remaining into the cap to see if there was enough for another load. Not quite, but there was still some in there that wouldn't come out because of the spout thingy. I thought, " I wonder if I can pop that spout out and get it all to make one more load"(saving money! LOL) The kids were watching cartoons just on the other side of the bar. So I go about prying that spout out. Finally got it out, got EVERY lost drop of detergent and it did fill the cap enough for a final load. Very pleased with myself, I went into the living room to see how my angels were. This is what Sweet Pea had been doing...quietly...to my lucky bamboo plant. Now you can't get the full effect, but there were HUNDREDS of teeny, tiny rocks everywhere. All over the table, all over the chair and all over the floor, which is about the same color as the rocks. No big deal, but just a reminder that quiet is NEVER good with kids.

Deep Thoughts

Here's two things that Bubba was pondering over today:

While watching a Baby Einstein DVD with Sweet Pea - a farm one - He wanted to know if chocolate milk came from brown cows. Um, nope - that comes from Hershey! :)

While eating our oh-so-nutritious lunch from Burger King, he wanted to know if we planted the sesame seeds from the bun, would we grow sandwiches? LOVE THAT!

Fighting for a Soul

I think my sweet Bubba is under attack.

From Satan.

For the past several weeks, he's been asking alot about God and forgiveness and generally what salvation is all about. We were sort of taken off guard about it since he's only 6 (barely) but hey, no time like the present, right? So, we've tried to answer his questions and guide him the best we can. I've been praying alot that we'll answer his questions truthfully and lead him to Christ when he is truly ready and not just when he knows the right answers. We always let him start these conversations. For example, the other night he comes out of the shower, naked with only a towel, and tells us how he got down on his knees in a bowing position (never shown that by us) and asked God for forgiveness. WOW. Was that it? I have no idea. We have a friend down the road who is a preacher and he is willing to come talk to us and Bubba about the whole thing. I just want to know for sure what's going on in his heart.

Now here's the problem...the last couple of weeks, right after this started, Bubba has been acting like he's lost his mind. He's been taking things that aren't his (from his teacher and friends at school) and then lying about it. Knowing he's going to get caught. Lying anyway! And then he pinched a child on the bus. Hard, apparently. For no reason. And he threw an icepack in the lunchroom. And he's been sneaking things like snacks and money to school. Just all of a sudden, crazy behavior with no answers.

Well, it finally hit me last night that Satan is realizing he's very close to losing another soul to God. And he's pulled off the gloves.

So we are going to ease up a bit on the punishment (otherwise, Bubba will not be able to sit on his bottom for the next two years). We will continue to talk to him about this sort of behavior, as we've done the past few days. Lying, stealing, hurting others, it's all sin. It's bad choices that we make because of our sinful human nature. I prayed over him last night after he prayed himself, asking for forgiveness. Does he really get it? I don't know. I only know how God feels about the innocence of a child's heart and I know He's been working on Bubba for the past little while. Six seems awfully young for this, but today's world is a different place.

If you think of us throughout the day, pray for us all...this is an awesome responsibility that is truly hard for me to wrap my mind around. I am so angry at Satan for messing with my boy but I KNOW my God is bigger and we will WIN!!

Wonderful news!!!

A friend I mentioned a few posts back, Lori, is pregnant!! This is their 2nd IVF attempt since losing sweet Matthew in December. Her nbrs are awesome! Please pray for a healthy & successful pregnancy that ends with her bringing home a healthy baby (or 2!)

The Amazing Self Cleaning House

I'm thinking...we have the most amazing technology these days...just my iPhone is a great example. I can go online, check my email, check FB (thank goodness!!), add items to my calender, play games, check a map, look up a number in the yellow pages, etc, etc. How cool! I've heard the iPad is really amazing. So, why then hasn't someone started working on a self cleaning house? Maybe Jetson's style? Oh wait,they had a maid, right? But she was cool - duster & broom would come flying out of her arms to clean up quickly. I'd take one of those. Robot maid. If only I had time to create & patent one, I'd be a gazillionaire!!

I wouldn't mind cleaning so much if it'd stay clean for, oh, I don't know...10 SECONDS??? I love a clean house. I do not love someone messing up my clean house. And with warm weather comes droves of neighborhood children tracking who-knows-what into my house. It's never-ending. At least I don't have another "real" full time job. How do working moms do this?? I no longer fault my working-mom-best friend for never calling me...when would she have time?

I think a dust bunny just waved at me. I should stop writing and chase it down.

Mother's Day

I am so blessed to be able to celebrate mother's day. I longed for years to do that. It amazes me still that this is really MY life. I have two kids...a boy and a girl...the perfect setup.

But I still miss my first babies...W & K were missing from our Mother's Day joy. I know they are "here" but not really and that doesn't always help. Sometimes I want them REALLY here,not there.

My heart aches for my friends who don't have their babies with them today. And for the ones who've never felt the joy of a life growing within them, yet long for that. Mothers in their hearts. Mothers with empty arms. Mothers with a hole in the heart and down to their soul. Mothers visiting graves and holding onto blankets, missing their babies (even if that baby was grown). It's such an empty feeling. I can still remember so vividly the feelings on Mother's Day...I wanted to stand up in church and say "BUT I AM A MOTHER!!!!"

A hard day for so many. I don't understand why so many can't have the babies they so desperatly want. Why? I can remember, while trying for a baby after the twins,"If I were 16, I'd be pregnant in a second". I would get so angry!! It's just one of those unfair things in this world. One of my first questions to God will be "why?" Why don't I have have all 4 of my little ones here with me to raise? Why?

I will not know this side of Heaven and I have to be ok with that. He knows what He's doing. I know He works all things for good. I have been able to minister to so many others. And if that's why...then ok.

And for those who have their babies with them...Happy Mother's Day to you! It's a hard job, but I hope you realize exactly what it means. Those without would give ANYTHING to be tired, puked on, hung on, etc etc etc. I try to not complain...I waited so many years to have this. I feel like I have no right to be anything but joyous all the time, even though that's not even sort-of possible. These 2 are my miracles...I do not know why I got to have them, but I am forever grateful to my Lord for them.

What's with the snowmen??/

For some reason my blog has reverted to winter. Don't know why & I can't fix it.

I'll try again tomorrow.

Meanwhile my parents are living with us since their house got flooded over the weekend along with much of the state. TN has had the worst flooding in about 70 yrs I heard. I've certainly never seen flooding like this here. The base had to be evacuated when a levee broke. What a mess. Our schools are closed because so many of our little country roads are washed out, including the one the back of our house is on. We aren't trapped, we just have to go around the world to get anywhere, but that's fine by me...my stuff is dry and my family is alive, the latter being more important of course!

Catching Up - birthdays, booboos and bunches of other stuff!

I've had a busy few weeks. I'm tired! Here's the scoop:

Spring break week was fun, we went to see the In-Laws and also my parents rented a cabin in Pigeon Forge so we could do some stuff together. We had a good time, Dollywood, Gatlinburg, and family time. Bubba went ice skating for the first time and I went with him. I only sort of fell one time and messed up my thumb. Nice! I have something sort of like tendonitis and I'm in a brace for another week. That's part of my excuse for not updating this blog! I have it off right now and it hurts!

The first week home was busy too...lots of laundry, grocery shopping, all that fun stuff. The thing that humbled me was this - I had lunch with a friend from high school who now has Huntington's Disease. It's sort of like MS or Parkinsons...she has tremors and trouble controlling her movements. It will rob her of her life within 20 years...and she is 36. She has two daughters who she is losing custody of in 26 days to the ex-husband who left her when she got sick. She lives with her parents and her dad takes care of them all, including her mother who is also dealing with this disease. My heart breaks for her. That is so unfair. I will see her again this week I think. I hope to help her through her girls going to live with their father. That will be tough on her and I pray I have the strength she needs.

And then...Bubba turned 6!!! When did that happen??? We had his party at Pump It Up...it was really fun! That would have been awesome when I was kid. He got lots of stuff and had a blast. Now the countdown to 7 can begin :) And then just yesterday, he lost his 2nd tooth. Growing up in a blink.

My thumb is throbbing so I'm going to close it now.

If your remember my friend Lori, please pray for her, she had an embryo transfer this week.

Praying for Lori

If you read my blog, you've seen a post about Lori, a friend of a friend who recently lost her baby after delivery and after many years of trying. She just went through another IVF procedure and it was negative. My heart breaks for her and I wanted you to pray for her if you are so lead. I do not know their plans, as I only know what she writes about in her blog. I do not know her personally at all.

BFF

I am the kind of person who HAS to have girlfriends. At least one at all times. I am lost without one. Each time we move, I immediately start scoping out people to connect to. I like the kind of gal that I can go over, open her cabinet, get a drink & plop on the couch and watch TV with her. I have been blessed in my life to have such great friends and some true BFFs.

This is the story of my very first BFF.

In elementary my BFF was Stacey Carrier. We lived around the block from each other and were mostly inseparable. We loved to sing songs (she liked Dolly Parton & I liked Alabama), we rode our bikes endlessly, I'm sure we played Barbies & other girlie stuff. Then the summer I turned 9, we moved to another neighborhood. We saw each other alot that first year, but after that, different schools and all, we sort of saw less & less of each other. I always missed her though and driving past her neighborhood (the same one) on my way to my grandparents house, I'd think of her. I saw her back in about 1997 or so at a carnival for the elementary school we went to. She had a kindergartener (or maybe 1st grader) and another one in a stroller. We chatted for a second and that was it. Fast-forward to 2010 and thanks to Facebook, I found her. I was so excited! Then I saw that just weeks before, she had lost that little kindergartener at the age of 17. I was devastated for her. I wanted so badly to rush to her and hold her. I know a small edge of that pain and it hurt my heart. I reached out to her via the internet and hoped she'd call me so we could get together. Then last night, we took Bubba to CiCi's pizza while we waited for Sam's to replace my tire. And I saw her. I wasn't positive (ok, 99%) so Colby went over and asked if she was Stacey. I couldn't believe it! I finally got to give her that hug I'd been holding on to for so long. I hope we see each other again soon, but now my heart is a little lighter. It's amazing how our childhood friends shape who we are and how much a part of us they become. She will be my friend forever, really, no matter whether it's another 10 years til I see her again. Those kind of friends never leave our hearts. I'm grateful for that.

I've also reconnected with my BFF from high school on Facebook, hope to see her soon. Amazingly she lives about 10 minutes from me.

DONE!

First, I didn't cry when I dropped off the exersaucer...I really tried to not think about it! :)

And, in addition to that event yesterday, all her sweet little summer clothes hanging on a rack, being looked over by strangers, I got to meet a new miracle, Baby B, a friend's new bundle. I held him for an hour, snuggled up (he is 4 days old) and had not one twinge of baby envy! Yay me! I am so familiar with that longing feeling, that it sort of shocked me to feel nothing but "awww" for this little guy. Of course, my little ball of energy was running all over the place, so I guess I am otherwise occupied :) Still, it was nice to know that we really are done and I don't have that "we're done, but I'd sort of like to have another" feeling. It was easy to hand him back to his mommy!

i wanted to share how smart my Sweet Pea is (we all know how smart Bubba is - reading at a 7 yr old level!!). The other night in the bath, I said to her, as I do each time, "ok, time to get out". She went over, pulled the drain and started getting out! I was amazed. What a smartie pants :)

Exersaucer

Bubba hated the exersaucer. He hated anything that strapped him down..the high chair (gone at 9 months since he only screamed while in it), the car seat (screamed from the second he was strapped in, whether it was a 5 minute drive or a 6 hour drive!), the swing, and yes, the exersaucer. Everyone told us we *had* to get one...it was the best thing EVER. Well, it was a torture ring to him! I mainly only used it when I got home from the grocery store, stuck him in there and listened to him cry as I unloaded & put away the groceries at about Mach 3 speed. So, I was fine to put it away so many years ago. It was one of the few things of his we had for use with Sweet Pea, since we gave away the swing & high chair to needy folks. But now it is sitting in my room, sparkly clean with a blue consignment sale tag on it. Ready to go tomorrow to be sold for some other baby who will hopefully enjoy it as Sweet Pea did. I would put her in it in the bathroom while I showered. I did this the other day to make sure I was ready to sell it and yep, she just about climbed out of it. Ok, outgrown that.

The thing that hit me was this is one of the last "big" baby items. We still have and use a high chair for her, but the swing, bouncy seat & bumbo are gone to other houses. We are done having babies, but there is a part of me who grieves at the fact that I will not feel life inside my belly again. I have been blessed to have 4 lives grow within my "room" as Bubba called it :)

Will I cry after dropping the exersaucer off tomorrow? Probably.

Kindergarten

Walking down the little school hallway - I am amazed that I have a child that belongs there. It's all so cute, the little decorations and awards and "Look what we made" things hanging along the hallway. Surreal to me. It seems not so long ago I wondered if I'd ever get the chance to be in the PTO or have a parent-teacher conference and now here I am. We are so blessed with Bubba's kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Tracey. She is the ideal teacher for K...young, bubbly, full of spirit. She is a hugger and you can tell she really LOVES these kids. She especially loves Bubba - she thinks he is the funniest kid. At our parent-teacher conference the other day, she said simply "Nothing to tell - he's great!" He's one of the best readers in the class, which is impressive to her since most of the kids in his group are older than him since he has an April b/day...lots of the kids in the class are already 6. She says she never has to tell him things twice (now why can't it be that way at home??). She was meaning she only has to instruct him on a skill once and he's got it. He's also very creative...they have journals they have to write and draw in daily with little to no help from her. They have to write phonectically (did I spell that right??) which seems weird to me but it's working. His pages go from "I wish the war was over" (read - I wich the wr ws ovr) to "I am an alien (ALIN)who has a super (Sooper) Sucker" That one cracked me up. At least he has an array of thoughts, right? I just love being in his little class with the tiny chairs & tables, the block writing and centers...I wish I could just go sit one day, invisible, and watch my little miracle boy play and learn.

Kindergarten is almost over...unbelievable. She said he is more than ready for 1st grade.

I am so proud of him!

The Never Ending Snow Day

Today is snow day #8 for our kids. These aren't consecutive, but after 3 snow days, Bubba had a recurrence of his tonsilitis, so he then missed 3 more days, now we are on another run of snow days, so he has now been at home for 13 days. I love him, but he's starting to climb the walls and drag me with him! I know he's bored...and there's not much to do. Yesterday and today, other bored friends and frenzied moms have relented and we've let the kids play. I wonder if/when we'll have to make up these snow days? I heard 10 days were alloted...what does that mean ? 10 free snow days? Our roads are fine..it's the way back roads that are still icy. I understand, but geez...there comes a point when you need to let the 95% of schools in the county go and just close the one in the problem area!!

Right now my house is quiet as he is away at a neighbors and Sweet Pea is sleeping. The only sound is the fish tank & the washing machine.

I have so much to do and I don't feel like doing any of it. I have clothes to prep for consigment, stuff to gather for my Pampered Chef party tomorrow night and stuff to prep for the Valetines Day kid party I'm hosting on Saturday. YAWN The thought makes me tired.

I know this wasn't exciting but oh well...such is my blog.

On a happy note, Sweet Pea has 3 of her 4 molars :)

Sick of Sick

The whole month of January, someone has been sick. Sweet Pea spiked a fever on Jan 1...I knew immediately that was not a good sign! 3 days after her antibiotics were done, Bubba spiked a fever. In the middle of that, Colby & I both had tummy bugs. One week after Bubba finished his antibiotics, he spiked another fever. Apparently his antibiotics didn't do the trick (tonsilitis) so now we are on round 2. He has been home since last Friday. Friday, Monday &Tuesday were snow days and Tuesday is when he spiked. So, I am the nice mommy who doesn't send her sick kid to school. Fortunately his throat has never hurt during all this, which I don't see how because it is NASTY and his breath is BAD. Other than a bit tired, he's ok.

Sweet Pea is teething. Molars. Fever. Diarrhea. One word - UGH.

Colby has something going on with his tummy - I'm afraid it's gall bladder or IBS...he's going to see a GI. I'm sure he's thrilled I'm sharing this with you :)

I have persistent PMS. Seriously, like a good week to 10 days. What gives?? I'm suffering from an overload of Estrogen. Luckily I am unarmed or I might be blogging from prison. I'm off to the doctor next week to see what we can do about that. I can't take birth control because of blood clotting issues. Maybe that bio-identical stuff that Susan Sommers raves about? Or is that only post-menopausal?

Maybe February will be better...not looking good right now. This too shall pass...but can it hurry up????

Sparkly

One of my favorite things about ice/snow is how the trees look. We drove to the mall yesterday after being stuck inside for 3 days. All along the interstate, the trees were coated in ice and SPARKLING under the beautiful sun. What an amazing site. Like a wonderland. I know ice is a pain, but that's the price to pay to see such a beautiful sight.

In other news - Bubba is out of school again. The snow/ice came Friday, and though the city is fine, up here in the sticks the roads are still a bit hazardous. It's supposed to be 43 degrees today, so I'm hoping for melting :) I will head out myself later to PetCo to return the useless piece of equipment known as a shock collar, which only shocks every 3-5 times...can you see me holding the stupid thing, testing it..."it doesn't work" {pushing button repeatedly} OUCH, ok, that time it worked. But really, what good is that? I want it to work at 5am when pscyho-puppy starts barking. So, back it goes today, day 41 out of 45 until the return policy runs out. Also, Bailey is almost out of food and that's the only place we can get his fancy "old man who is tiny and needs tiny pieces" formula. And the irony of psycho-puppy's food (which can be found thankfully at WalMart)..it's called "Smart Puppy". Um. That's not working!

Sweet Pea is getting her molars and isn't having fun with that. She has one, but the other three look like she's storing food for winter under her gums. I know it hurts, but so does my head! :)

Church

We joined a new church today. The way the Southern Baptist's do it is you leave one church and "transfer" your membership to another. Our preacher said it well this morning...and we had already decided to walk down the aisle & join...he said he was glad for transfers, or as he calls it "church swappin'" :) He went on to say he likes that, but he really wants new church members..as in ones that have never been members...since "swappin'" doesn't add the to Kingdom of God. I liked that. He's a funny guy, the new preacher at this church. Big shoes to fill, since the former pastor was there for 33 years. Wow...he's a brave guy! And he's great. We've been visiting there off & on for a year, but lately I've been feeling like we really needed to commmit. Part of me is heartbroken, as that ends our membership at the BEST church ever in Oklahoma. My heart is still back there. But, we move on. This is the kind of thing I like about God - we haven't been to church in over a month due to Christmas and sickness. And what starts TODAY? A new bible study on Sunday nights. COOL!! And there is one for everyone, but the one I picked is "Attitude of a Transformed Heart". I hope it's good. I need a new attitude..mine's a little down lately. i like it when God says "HERE IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO" instead of giving me hints. I don't do well with hints..I need it written in black marker on the board in class this morning!

So, we are officially members & we are starting a daily challenge that the whole church is doing to read thru the bible in a year. We got a fancy new bible all divided up and everything. Hopefully we'll make it through. One guy in class this morning said he was only 24 days behind (HA HA it's Jan 24)

Lazy Weekend

Last night colby & I got to have date night! It's the first one we've had since Christmas I think. We dropped the kiddles off at mom's and then we went to see the "Tooth Fairy". I can't even remember the last time we went to the movies together, it's been YEARS...seriously. I've only been to the movies a few times in the last few years and it's been either by myself or with mom. It was a really cute movie and totally clean. How refreshing! No foul language, no violence, no sex..just a cute story! I got to sleep til 8:30 this morning. Colby went duck hunting at 5AM. I don't get that. Anyway, if it weren't for Dixie (the psycho puppy) beginning her bark/whine session at 6:30, it would have been even better.

I managed to run out and buy some new scrubs since all mine were pre-Bubba and didn't really fit well. Wonder why??? Then I picked up Sweet Pea. Bubba has gone to the IMAX with his Memaw and is planning to spend the night again. I told him to call me afterwards to tell me what it was about and he said "Do I have to?" LOL Well, no, but you can if you want to. I'm glad they get to be with their grandparents (at least one set) reguarly. That was so much fun for me as a kid. I remember going out to eat with my grandparents every weekend...usually to Western Sizzlin or Po' Folks. I loved that place!!

Remembering

This may be depressing for some of you - this is your warning. Sometimes things in life just suck and getting it out on paper or via blogs is helpful.

I am following a blog of a friend of a good friend of mine (did ya get that?). She recently lost her newborn baby shortly after birth after trying for 10 years and undergoing IVF. I am so drawn to her, I suppose it's the "misery loves company" thing plus the sympathic part of me. Since following her blog, I catch myself thinking of her all the time. It has only been 7 weeks for her, yet it has been 8 years for me. Eight years? How is that possible. She often writes that it just feels like yesterday. Yep...I cannot bring myself to tell her it will ALWAYS feel like yesterday. She will find that out on her own. I don't burst into tears at the thought of W & K anymore, but I do still have tearful moments.(Like while watching a recent episode of Desperate Housewives) For those who don't know me, we lost twins at 22 weeks of pregnancy back in 2001 (2 weeks after 9/11). And for this gal, I cannot imagine carrying a baby/babies to term and having to come home to an empty nursery. That shouldn't happen. It's one thing to lose babies mid-pregnancy. I had no nursery...though I had dreams of one. I had no baby clothes, none of that. I went into the hospital at 18 weeks, knowing there was a good chance I would leave empty-armed. I was grateful to come home to my house, with no signs of babies. It was my safe haven among a world FULL of pregnant women and babies. As she is experiencing now, it seems everyone suddenly is pregnant or carrying a new baby, as if you've landed on some other planet...were all those women & babies there before? Where did they come from??

partly I think I should stop following her blog as it brings up all those feelings...I don't understand how after 8 years it can still seem like yesterday. But it does sometimes. I replay the events of that day over and over. Why do we do that? Maybe that's the only time they were here, so I have to cling to that. For the 3 years we lived in that area, I felt....something...when I'd drive by the hospital. That was the only place they ever LIVED.

As she says, she has now entered a new club...the club of mommies without their babies. That is a club no one wants to be a part of, but once you are there, you are torn between not wanting to be alone and knowing that a new member means another woman has suffered the unimaginable. My heart will never forget that intense grief. You can't. It honestly feels as though your heart is dying. You physically can't breath.

I cannot believe most days how I've been blessed since that dark period...two kids, a boy and a girl...I have been given the perfect family. And I am so grateful for that. If you will, pray for this other girl. She will begin infertility treatments again soon. I hope her empty arms will soon be filled with a new baby. And in the meantime, I pray for peace...that kind that comes from God alone, that is beyond understanding. The kind that was in our delivery room that morning, as He came to take our babies home. We were ok, even though we weren't. Weird.

I wonder what W & K would be like now? I'm sure she'd be the boss...she always was. She was the womb-hog...he was always smooshed up in the top. He'd patiently wait for her to settle, then he'd re-siutate himself. I loved feeling the two of them working themselves out. I think he'd have been a momma's boy. Or maybe that's just my wishful thinking. I think of them often..and still, sometimes, I know I hear them laugh. I think God gives me those split second moments to know that they are ok and they are happy playing at the feet of their Lord.

Thanks for letting me get serious for a minute and reflect on things. Pray for Lori. I remember the dark days. My heart breaks for her.

Rain Rain Go Away

I love to sleep while it's raining. Not so fun to have to drag myself out of bed at 5:30 AM (yep) to a crying baby (for no reason!!!) while it's dark and raining and your husband is tucked in nice and warm. Not that he should have gotten up...I'm just saying. I go to bed at 9:00 BECAUSE I have to get up at 5:30 or whenever sweet pea decides it's morning. I'll be glad when I can reason with her, as I did with Bubba - "If it's dark, don't come out of your room". Now he's learning to tell time in Kindergarten..so he'll get a clock and I'll tell him not to come out til it's 7AM.

We have been the plague house for the month of January - first Sweet Pea had a sinus infection (a first for her), then Colby & I had misc. stomach viruses, then (currently) Bubba has tonsilitis (also a first). I felt so stupid with that..he came home Friday afternoon w/a fever of 102.something. We doped him up and I planned to take him in to the Saturday clinic. I love that!! Friday night AND Saturday morning while he was sitting with me, I made him brush his teeth because his breath was awful. Did it ever occur to me, the RN, to look at his throat?? Nope. The stay-at-home mom thing has robbed me of common nurse sense. Sure enough, his throat was nasty. I mean nasty. Immediately I said to the MD, "duh, no wonder his breath has been so awful". Anyway, he's had 6 of his 10 doses of antibiotic and I really hope Sweet Pea doesn't get that now that she was chewing on his toothbrush last night. EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW

In other news - I had found a sitter for Sweet Pea so I can work on Tuesdays to clear the cobwebs from the nursing knowledge buried in my head. Something wasn't just right about this girl...mostly she needed to vacuum. I know that's petty, but when you keep little ones, you need to keep a reasonably clean house. So, after I talked myself out of her, I begged my aunt to keep her yesterday ;).So, I now have a sweet homeschooled girl who is going to keep her here at the house (where I vacuum!!) and that way Bubba can just come home on the bus as usual and not have to go home with friends. So, it's working out...let's hope next week goes well & the sitter doesn't look like she's needing sedation when we get home.

We tried to go to the YMCA yesterday...there was a conspiracy! First, Colby meets me in the parking lot saying he forgot his shoes, so I was going to be there alone. OK, I can do it. Then we get inside and the lady says to me, about Sweet Pea, "Are you planning to put her in childcare?" I say "yes" (I mean, really, what was my other option - tie her to the treadmill??) The childcare closes at 1...it was 12:50. Nice. So I came home and ate cookies instead. I am annoyed that I pay $27/month more for a family plan than an individual plan and the childcare is closed 3 hours in the afternoon. That's when I need to go. For that many people to pay that much more...it should be open whenever the Y is open. So, we are cancelling the membership. Otherwise, I'd have to go at 8 am and face it, that's not gonna happen!!.

I took psycho puppy to the vet this morning. She weighs about 17 pounds. We are to let her & Bailey continue duking it out...growling, biting, etc until she realizes that he is the alpha dog and she should leave him alone. She's pretty dumb, so that may take a while. I said to the vet "how many times to you need to get bit before you realize someone doesn't want to be your friend?" He said "150" I cracked up. What a comedian.

I'm meeting with a sitter for Sweet Pea today so I can work one day a week. She's young...25, but has 2 kids herself. I got positive news from two of the moms of other kids she keeps, so barring something weird in her house or Sweet Pea running and screaming from her...we'll start next week.

And for those who are UT football fans - Lane Kiffin is a LOSER! GOODBYE!

I'm not keeping up well

I'm still new to this blogging thing...I am envious of the blog moms I follow who post many times a week. I'll sit and think "Hmm..I could blog about that" But then I'm not motivated enough to do it. Today I have a few minutes. I did go back and replace the kids names with their new blog-names. Bubba (what she calls him) and Sweet Pea (which is Memaw's nickname for her). I was starting to get concerned about privacy since I can't figure out how to totally make this private, and really don't want to, since I know how amazingingly intriguing my blog is! Don't want anyone to get left out. So if you don't know my kids names now...you won't :) Though I only have 3 followers...that's sort of depressing. I did have my first comment the other day. I was so excited! And it's not even anyone I know personally (like mom!) Thanks!!

The sickies are over at my house for now. I think tonight will be Sweet Pea's last dose of antibiotic. We made it through 10 days of Augmentin with only a few "OH MY" diapers.

I took the puppy, Dixie, to the groomer for the first time ever today. Her nails & fur between her foot pads was crazy and I don't want to get the "look" from the vet tomorrow. We have an awesome groomer up here...$5 bucks and 5 minutes. No appt necessary!

Nothing else exciting around here lately...Colby & I are planning to start meeting at the YMCA a few times a week. Today is day 1.

back to normal?

Bubba is back to school today and Sweet Pea slept all night and has no fever. Wow, normal is GOOD!!

Our holidays were good, but crazy. My dad was in the hospital on Christmas Eve & Day, so things were a little out of sync. He was ok, thought it was a mini-stroke, turned out to be a migraine thing. Talk about jumping to conclusions!! :) We ended up having Christmas Eve w/my dad's family, Ch Day w/my mom's family, the day after Christmas w/my parents then we left town for the in-laws on Sunday. WHEW! We had a good week in East TN with family, did a bunch of nothing. Then Sweet Pea got a fever on Friday and we headed home Saturday.

She has a sinus infection but at least her fever is gone for now. She's on Augmentin and hopefully the snot will ease up soon.

We are supposed to get a little snow tomorrow night, we'll see. I sort of want it, sort of don't. I have discovered I liked winter a lot better before we had kids. All the coats and hats and blankets and standing in the cold strapping people in their seats...what a pain! Makes me a little glad we didn't have kids in Maine.

This morning I am saddened by news of a bus wreck near here where one child was killed (this came merely an hour after my own child boarded his bus) and there were 5 medevac copters on sight. Pray for these families and hopefully there will be no more fatalities.